Tea thesis

I'm not an easy-talking person. I know it. Even I feel comfortable with silence, I used to talk and joke around just to make people notice me. A stupid way of doing so, since I know several quiet people whose absence is felt. And I can't deal with people that don't care a little bit. It's called self love, perhaps? Extra sensibility? Thanks mother nature, for making me so well equiped.

I selected one or two folks - not the best matches, but those who can hear me. And that understand. And I end up understanding them to. And helping. And changing my plans, not easy for me to do. Getting less shallow and moving on.

Today I'm not that "I don't need it" Ed. Today I need to talk. I don't need to directly talk to someone. I never needed. I just need to make it flow, to drop the bomb. It doesn't mean the bomb has to kill people; maybe I just need to talk, without a particular aim. I just need to fill the time between the sips of hot lemon tea, is it true? I don't usually have hot drinks, but I am sick. My nose is sick, my throat is sick, my head is sick, my stomach is sick. I could go and play guitar. Or bass. Or play Sims. Or make myself busy searching for stuff for sale online - et voilá, consumption happiness that lasts 5 minuts. I could also study. Study stuff that my teachers would want me to. For my own good.

And I thank them, because this is my problem. I can do so much. Too much - I end up doing nothing. A bit here, a bit there. It's like building a house, but only working on Sundays. Or holidays. A brick here, bit of cement there. "It's built" - like Housemartins said? No, it's not.

Then, there is time. It keeps on floating. Floating is the best word, because that's all that time insists to do with me. Plus, it's in a hurry. I can barely stand its pace. And I can't certainly predict it. I have to wait for time to arrive - do I? But time doesn't need to wait for me. That's unfair.

Why is that unfair? Why should it be? We created the concept of time. Nature created the concept of cycle. We played the trick and it turned against us. I mean, we would die anyway, but with less contemplations. With less fears, perhaps? I bet the human being can always find something.

I could go on. But I'm entering a dangerous field. I'm not even certain that we created the concept of time. Or if we can distinguish it that easily from the concept of cycle. We can feel both, perhaps? We can feel what our language makes us feel. I think I'm not prepared for this and I probably didn't deliver great news or great knowledge. I'm too young - now THAT has to do with time. I'm not skilled, I'm not powerful. I'm just an observer that is slowly trying to fit.